Having two teenagers has opened my eyes to a lot of things I was clueless to before. I constantly hear about how “This new generation has no work ethic, Our country is headed for big trouble when they grow up,” blah, blah, blah!!!
There is actually a lot of unnecessary pressure put on this generation and I believe that parents, teachers and other adults are scaring the hell out of these kids. Here’s a few reasons I have come to think this…
The suicide rate among kids 12-17 years old in Utah is one of the highest in the nation.
There is a huge amount of anxiety and depression among teens.
Teens seem reluctant to get their drivers license at 16 and start driving.
Self harming among teens has become very common.
I have had my kids tell me several times about a friend texting them about suicidal thoughts, or severe depression, or cutting etc. So many times they are worried sick about their friends. When my daughter told me for the first time about a boy she was friends with struggling with severe depression and suicidal thoughts she was 14 years old. I felt bad for this child but didn’t realize that it was such a problem with the generation. Now my daughter is 18 years old and over the past few years there have been numerous times she has told me about a child she knows who is struggling with cutting, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and some who have actually committed suicide. I finally started thinking and then saying out loud, “What in the world is going on?? This isn’t normal!!”
I started asking my friends and family about if they remember dealing with these kinds of issues as a teen. The answer from everyone has been no we didn’t deal with issues this severe. Sure we had friends that maybe got mixed up in drugs, drinking, or had a teen pregnancy. But this generation is facing fear, fear, fear and full of pain!
I’m not exactly sure what is causing this immense fear in our children but I think we need to wake up and see that something is going on and change some messages we are reinforcing into our kids. First of all we need to quit looking down on this generation as if they will fail because of no work ethic. They are as a whole more brilliant and savvy than we will ever be. My five year old can pick up my cell phone and navigate through it easily. He also knows all of the codes to the four cell phones in our home. Anytime I have a question about my phone I hand it over to one of my teens to figure out.
One time my daughter was 16 and she came home from school. She said, “Mom I feel like teachers make you feel like it’s impossible to succeed in life.” It would seem like this is a ridiculous statement so I asked why she felt that way. She said, “They say you have to get straight A’s, be in student council, extra curricular activities and clubs etc to even get in college.” Then another time my son was about 13 years old and we were driving down the street and he says…”Hey mom do you ever worry about over population?” I said, “No never, why?” He said that in one of his classes they talked to the students about this and that it’s really scary. Since then he has had his math, science and history class also talk about over population. What in the world is a 13 year old going to do about over population? The ONLY thing that will do is make these kids worry about something they have zero control over.
Parents put pressure on kids saying they don’t want their kids to make the same mistakes they did. K I get it. I know we all want what’s best for our children but at the end of the day they have their own path. Mistakes are part of life and MUST be made to learn. Many times we as parents also expect our kids to date the kind of person we want them to, follow the same religious beliefs that we believe, go into an acceptable profession that we see fit, etc. What our children need to hear from us is…
No matter what happens or what mistakes you make it will be OK. I am here for you, providing a safe place for you to come get wisdom and sound advice.
I don’t expect perfection from you. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I admire you for yours.
Go after whatever you want in life and I believe in you.
You get to choose your own decisions and it’s your life. Find what brings you joy.
And above all there is NOTHING you can do to make me not love you, NOTHING!!!
Believe in your children and they will feel that from you. Guide them, don’t try and control them. They will thank you one day!
I asked my teens what they need to hear from us…
Alex (18 yrs)
Your number one duty in life is to love everyone.
Learn from your mistakes and learn from others mistakes.
Do what makes you happy.
You are never alone because you always have people around you that are looking out for you and love you.
Austin (16 yrs)
Be yourself.
Go after your dreams.
I love you.
